god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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