dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
