Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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