Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
