My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
