I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
