please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
