He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
