i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
