sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
There are leaves in my underwear?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
