i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
