i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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