If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
