oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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