Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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