Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
