i think my tv is drunk
You can't special order awesome
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
