Pappa wants mamma naked
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
