very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Randomize
