Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
