Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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