saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
