Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
