if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
