Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
