So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize