I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
