ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
