Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
