you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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