We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
