This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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