She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i dont even know how to be here
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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