LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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