Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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