Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
vagina is talking i cant
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize