Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
my shit smells like andre
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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