wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize