you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize