A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
