That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
