Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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