Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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