he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
