I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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