he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
