i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
