So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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