yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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