you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
