some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
