Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize