How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
