in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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