I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
