HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize