he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
