ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
