listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
