So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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