I've blown a few things in my day
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
time to smoke my breakfast
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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