I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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