The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
third nipple confirmed
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
