I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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