why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
