Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My vagina is very pro this idea
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