I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
