The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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