Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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