So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
