Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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