Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
last night I used snow as a chaser
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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