He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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