My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
