Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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