pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
