Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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