im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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