Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
