i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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