This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It's just like the Real World with babies
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
