can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
