how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She just used a chaser for red wine.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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