i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
