I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
