I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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