Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
