we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize