i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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