one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
