I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
