Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
