I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
