I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
