Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
