When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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