Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
