Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
