i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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