$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
