I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
